I have the tendency to live life only in the future. Ever since I graduated high school, every decision I make, even the stupid day-to-day decisions, are geared towards the next day or the next year in my life. For example, this morning I woke up planning out how every hour of my day tomorrow was going to go and how that was going to help Sunday go by smoothly. I live through this summer preparing for the fall when I start school again with no thought to what else I will be doing the next three months besides saving money. I don't like to live in the present, it seems like a waste to me. I'm always a day, a month, a year, a decade ahead of myself. So that explains this post in the first place ;)
Yesterday I read this blog post that a Facebook friend posted.
http://crossshapedstuff.com/2013/06/04/how-i-know-my-wife-married-the-wrong-person/
I'll just sum up what it said if you don't want to read it. The blogger was talking about how his wife had married the "wrong" person because there isn't one superhuman person designed to fit her every wish and requirement. It described how society as planted the idea in our head that marriage will only work when it's with your "soulmate," your “smoking-hot, high-class, filthy rich, love-at-first-sight, sexually compatible, accept-me-as-I-am, Titanic-Notebook-Sweet-Home-Alabama-Twilight-esque, soul mate.”
It's stupid that I'm using this as an example, but it illustrates my point. Let's look at Jim and Pam from the show The Office. They seem like they were created for each other, like their only purpose in life was to complete each other. They're never as happy with others as they are with each other. They are the perfect partners in crime and they truly are the best of friends. You can apply this to countless fictional couples: Noah and Allie from the Notebook, Romeo and Juliet, Daisy and Gatsby, Edward and Bella, just to name a few. They all have their soulmates, the person that was designed for them. If you look at the Great Gatsby, Daisy's true "soulmate" was Gatsby and when she choose to live her life with her husband instead, she never reached that same level of happiness as with Gatsby.
It's interesting that I still believe in this version of love, even though I have countless real-life examples of marriage and relationships all around me. With my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, family acquaintances, you know that they have troubles and that they aren't perfect. You know that they don't fully connect with each other in every aspect of a relationship yet they still sail on. So why is that we see this type of love right in front of our eyes, yet choose to believe in the flawless Hollywood love?
On the surface, I totally agree with the blog post in that there isn't one person created especially for you, that successful marriage and true love is more work than the world believes. But how do you un-brainwash yourself from this framework of mind? How do I move past the fear that I'm not going to find my Gatbsy and I'll choose someone much lower than I expect? How do you accept that no one is perfect for you and that no matter who you choose, you have to strive towards perfection one day at a time?
Usually I end my posts with an answer but on this topic, I got nothing. Just something to think about and I hope I can get some thoughts from people who have it figured out better than I do. Any and all ideas are welcome!
And just in case you forgot this video existed, here you go! Happy Friday lovelies!
Oh the movies...Even in the movies we don't see all sides of personality and the lifespan of challenges the couples will face. There's also countless Hollywood love stories where the individuals DON'T appear compatible at first...
ReplyDeleteDetermine what the most important principles are to you and find somebody that's "perfect" in those ways (or near as you can tell). Everything else is small stuff anyway. Lovingly encourage behaviors you value. One principle that should be high on the list is fair and balanced negotiation for when the joining of yin and yang is nuclear.
It's true. The work in marriage begins when the movie ends. But somebody aligned with your principles will make striving for perfection a day at a time a non painful experience. Successful marriage and true love can be LESS work than the world fears.
Those are my knee jerk thoughts to "add to the noise."
There are many wonderfully worded quotes and deeply profound comments by many 'authorities' which give a lot of insight and wisdom on this topic. My thoughts are simple. The key is to find someone who makes you feel special, loves you for who you are and supports you in all you do. As in a close friend, a 'soulmate' should be someone that helps you feel like a better, stronger person because they are in your life. Of course to make a relationship work it must go both ways. There are 3 C's and 3 R's that a very wise mother taught her children to go by and they are: Communication, Compassion, Commitment, Respect, Responsible, and Reverent. Think more about each one of these and what they mean to you. You'll know when it's right.
ReplyDelete-Darci