And It's Hard To Dance With The Devil On Your Back So Shake Him Off

It's always nice to gain a different perspective isn't it? I was working at Hobby Lobby today unloading shipment in the floral department with the charming department head Kitty. We were talking about another woman that worked that department a lot named Sara. She is the BIGGEST sweetheart you could ever imagine. Always smiling, always helpful, always kind, and ALWAYS cheerful. Kitty told me that Sara actually was going through a really hard time because she was raising her sons and husband on her part time job at Hobby Lobby. Which is $2 higher than minimum wage but it certainly doesn't make my wallet throw fiestas on the daily. I was absolutely shocked to hear this. How could someone hide such a difficult life with such ease? Kitty then said "It's situations like that that make you realize that someone always has it harder than you do, no matter what you're going through."

That really hit me hard today. I've been pretty whiny lately, even on Facebook which is something I never do. And I am completely ashamed of that now. This is what I've pondered on today and I sincerely hope I don't complain on Facebook like I have been lately. This is my permission to punch me in the face if I do.

First, that being stressed only means you have opportunities. It's true that I have been very stressed lately. With school coming up, apartment hunting being a failure beyond words, and work weeks that stretch to 60 hours, my tolerance for life in general is very low. But this stress is a beautiful blessing because it means that I have opportunities, doors that are open to me, options that I can explore, different routes that I can take. This stress means that I am free to choose where I want to go and what I want to do. With work, this stress means that I have the opportunity to make the situation a positive one or merely let it run me over. With school, it means that I have the opportunity to try things I never would have dreamed of doing. With apartment hunting, it means that I have the opportunity to meet new people and learn the simple truths of life in a very real setting. Stress means opportunities.

Which leads me to my next point, it's ok to be stressed and even fed up with life, but it is never ok to be ungrateful about your situation. Because despite the fact that life is hard, it's always harder when you don't have those doors open to you. Being worked to death is really starting to take its toll but I am very richly blessed to have not just one, but two outstanding jobs with very honest and friendly coworkers. Constantly being shut down on apartments is beyond disheartening but it's amazing I've had the opportunity to even save up for somewhere to live. There are always chances for you to improve your own situation. ALWAYS. Even if it's just a little bit at a time, there is always something you can do to make a difference in your life. Maybe it's as complex as rethinking the direction you're heading in life now. Maybe it's as simple as changing your perspective. Whatever the change, be grateful for opportunities, failures, and successes.

Ok lovelies, I'm getting eaten to pieces by mosquitoes out here. Hopefully that helped changed your perspective on whatever is irking you in life. It's something we hear a lot, I know at least for me that it's something I need to be reminded on a lot.

Oh, and this video is worth all 6 minutes. I promise ;)

You Musn't Be Afraid To Dream A Little Bigger Darling

I write this blog post to you tonight in odd circumstances. This is what I currently look like.

 No, I am not pulling a Signs moment and trying to block out aliens trying to read my mind. Not that they'd find anything interesting in this mere mortal's mind ;) I miss my ombre tips and apparently you can highlight your hair with cinnamon and honey. Somewhere deep down in my heart, I highly doubt this actually works. But on the surface, I'm kinda digging the smell of this concoction on my head and at least my brain will be partly safe tonight. :)

Anyways, onto my post. I got some pretty sad news this week and it's caused me to think things over again. Have you ever thought you were so RIGHT about something but it turned out you couldn't have been more WRONG? Has your mind listened so intently to your imagination and wild dreams that it ignored your common sense and better judgement? Has it ever blown your mind that you could be so ignorant and naive?

The best way I can describe how I feel is with that scene in Inception where Mal and Dom are lying on the train tracks and staring at each other as a train approaches. "You're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure." So do you board the train? This week it feels like I was riding a train that would take me to where I wanted to go but that I was kicked off the track at a station. I'm on the platform watching this train I knew would take me where I wanted to go travelling farther away from me until it's just a speck in the distance. Meanwhile, trains are arriving and departing in every direction, each with uncertain destinations. What if one of these trains will take a different route to where I want to go? What if I ride this train and I end up back on this platform? What if I end up somewhere farther from where I hope to go?

I guess you could say this is where chance comes in. Mal and Dom allowed themselves to be run over by the train with the small chance of them actually emerging from the dream. Sometimes you have to board the unfamiliar train with the small chance it takes you to where you want to go. Sometimes you have to step off the cliff with the small chance that something catches your fall. Sometimes you have take blinds steps with the small chance that something reaches out to you in the darkness. Sometimes the only thing you can do is hope.

I'm pretty heartbroken and I'm tired of trying to put myself back together week after week. I feel like fixing myself piece by piece is like trying to fix a broken Lego house in the Coberly Lego studio. As you go about recreating the house, you realize that you picked up the wrong pieces from the piles around you and didn't put on the right pieces to make the building the way it was before. I lose little bits of myself in the process of fixing what's broken until what's left is hardly recognizable anymore. I'm Mal lying on the train tracks, hoping with all my heart but doubting with all my mind, that the pain of what I will go through will bring me to where I want to be.

It's time to board a new train, any train, and hope without doubt that I will end up where I want. Who knows, maybe my destination will be even better than what I hoped for. Board a new train this week darlings! You never know where you might end up, but it might be right where you need to be. As Eames says in Inception, "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling!"  And go watch Inception again, ya filthy animals! ;)

And to my mysterious fan base in Russia, thanks sweethearts! :D

Guess What? I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOUU!!!

I'm currently writing this outside on my patio as I enjoy the 85 degree weather versus the 100+, hotter than fried hell heat we've been having this week. LOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE!!!!

Today's post might seem a little disjointed but I hope you can see the connection to the two ideas I've been having lately. First off, I got to go see my great-grandpa Judd in the hospital today. He fell down and broke his hip about a week ago and he had to go through surgery. When we arrived at the care center, I was totally taken aback by how many people were visiting. My grandparents were there and my great grandma was there with her daughter and grandsons (I'm related to this family through marriage so  I don't really know the name of our connection...). The tiny hospital room was full of laughing, smiling individuals and my great-grandpa laid on his bed watching us with a small smile on his tired face and love in his eyes.

Ever since my family moved to Utah, I've developed a deeper love and deeper connection with this side of my family. But as I was in this room with these relatives that I barely knew, I realized that these people have loved me since the day we were brought into their family. But why? These people don't know me, they don't know what I've done in my life, yet they still smile at me with the deepest love I've ever felt. This is unconditional love, the type of Christ-like love that isn't swayed by words or actions, no matter how terrible they might be. I never thought people could fully be capable of this type of love in this life, but this sweet family has taught me otherwise.

Our lesson in Sunday School was about pride and the teacher showed the This is Water video. Watch it if you haven't seen it yet!! This video really stuck out to me when I first watched it. This summer has been spent working long weeks at two retail jobs and I come home exhausted dealing with stupid customers all day. It can be infuriating working so much in such a busy environment and you have the people that feel the need to take their petty frustrations out on you in their rudeness and other forms of douchebaggery. Speaking as "the voice of death" the video talks about, I come home pretty fed up with the way I'm treated every day. But this video has really helped me to stop for a moment and think about the other person who is committing said douchebaggery (that word is just to great not to use again). Maybe they've come from a long day at work and just want to get home. Maybe their family is struggling financially or they've recently experienced a tragedy at home. Maybe they're in a hurry and don't know how to control their panic in a social setting. This is in no way an easy way to think and as the video says, I just can't do it sometimes. But it's a good thing to strive for and constantly work at little bits at a time.

Now my attempt to connect the two ideas. Like I've said before, I have grown to really become fed up with people in general. It's really made me kind of hard-hearted. But in my experience today with my family and with re-watching this video, I realized that there is always something I can do to change this. My great-grandma is the most loving person I know, in the hospital today on her way to get water, she stopped by in the rooms of lonely patients to ask how they were doing. She has this unconditional love for EVERYONE, no matter their story, no matter how well she knows them, nothing could sway her from loving them. I'm positive that was something that didn't come easily. I'm sure some days she just couldn't feel any type of love for the people around her. But over time, she's become the greatest example of unconditional love that I know.

I guess my message for today is that feeling towards your fellow men is always something that you can work towards. And as I've said before, sometimes you might not be able to do it. But you will forever be miserable if you live in the default setting of thinking people around you are stupid and exist merely to make your life as difficult as possible. Step out of the default, try to be more compassionate, and always strive to have unconditional love as natural to your day as breathing. I don't believe this perfect love is something you can fully obtain, at least in this life, but it's always something you can pursue, it's always something you can be better at.

Enjoy your week crazies!