It's finally the end of my first year in college!!! And holy moly was it long. As I look back on the past eight months, it's pretty amazing I didn't go postal on the whole universe. This year at school was really really hard. There have been some very low points where even others around me didn't think I'd ever completely recover from. There have been some very high points and I've found the truest and purest forms of happiness this semester :) But all in all, I'm very glad this chapter is over. I hope I can look back on this semester later with a more happy attitude, but at this point, I just want to throw a week long party in celebration of me and my success at keeping it together. Perhaps I'll make arrangements to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Perhaps I'll have the USA government create a holiday in my honor. But I'll probably just get fat off endless amount of froyo instead.
As this school year is drawing to a close, I've had lots of people ask me about how I like BYU. Well for the people that know me well, they don't even want to get me started on the topic. Let's just say from week one, I was ready to transfer (which I am doing this fall). Before I get into much detail, I want to make one thing very clear. I have a very large amount of respect for BYU and the students that go there. I honestly and truly do. The students are very dedicated and the school tries to make the best environment it can. And there are a lot of people that truly benefit from attending the school. However, there are certain individuals (*cough MEEEE) that the school simply isn't meant for. I wanted to go to BYU because I thought it would be a safe and clean environment where the people were accepting and friendly. I was pretty wrong on most accounts. For a school that is supposed to be centered around the teachings of Christ I was disheartened to find that I had never been around so many individuals that were so judgmental and unwilling to accept others. I have never heard as many homophobic comments before. I have never been around so many hypocritical people that condemned the very things they were doing in their own life. I have never been met with so many stares from \people I could tell were desperately trying to find something imperfect about me. I felt a very different kind of loneliness at BYU because my views of the world were so different.
It didn't help that I felt like a piece of meat with a sign that said "FUTURE WIFE FOR SALE." I was amazed how much people naturally assumed that since I was a girl, I would go into Family Sciences or simply expect to be a mom with no intentions of a career. I was talking to a guy I had never met before in my accounting class and when I told him that I wanted to have a business career, he looked at me puzzled and asked "Well who's going to take care of your kids?" Even my teachers would drop subtle comments in their lectures about women staying home while men take care of the kids. It was incredible that even my choice for a major made me feel like a failure! Could I do anything right here?
From this eye-opening adventure, I learned one of the most true concepts about the LDS church: The church is perfect but the members aren't. It took most of this semester to really grasp what this really meant but as the church is under constant scrutiny and the people in the church cause you to question your beliefs, remember that the perfect gospel of Jesus Christ exists in an imperfect world with imperfect people. The most important thing is your relationship with Jesus Christ and your testimony of and obedience to His teachings. The actions of others at BYU really hurt me and caused me to question what the church really stands for. After I had accepted that all I needed to worry about was my own progress and not the progress of others, my heart was a lot lighter.
From BYU, I did learn a lot about myself and life.
First of all, never be afraid to explore and take risks. Trying BYU out was a risk and an exploration in itself and even though it didn't turn out like I hoped, I still learned a lot and it was an experience I could grow from.
Second, that you should always do the things that make you happy and if you aren't happy, then there something you need to change. Even if it's simply your attitude.
Third, keep your friends and family close.
Fourth, your testimony, no matter the size of it, can power you through anything.
Fifth, the Lord doesn't take away anything he doesn't replace later. I wouldn't have met a very special person in my life if this wasn't the case :)
Sixth, and most important, there's a God out there who is very very smart. He knows better than anyone else what you need to make yourself the best you can be. I spent a lot of this semester wishing things were different and that certain events wouldn't have happened. But from those events, so much good and happiness has come in ways I couldn't have imagined, simply because I trusted the Lord while I was blind in the darkness.
Well I hope you lovely readers found something at least mildly interesting in this blog post. If not, please enjoy this video of Ok Go doing amazing things. And in case you forget this outstanding music video existed, watch the treadmill video. Happy Wednesday ladies and gents!