It's A Bittersweet Symphony, That's Life

I don't really know why I'm blogging today. Honestly, I think it's just because I'm really stressed out. It's apartment hunting season and it's had me panicking beyond description. Last night I had a dream that I had to share an apartment with a guy that slept in the nude except for his fake Gandalf beard and who frequently role-played Lord of the Rings in the kitchen. The night before it a serial thief who looked oddly like Tina Fey. During my powernap today it was my ex's family who made me work three jobs to support their extravagant lifestyle. Needless to say, I'm not excited to go to sleep tonight... Maybe I'll get lucky and my roommate will be Channing Tatum.

Anyway, today's post is going to be about something rather strange. My family and I recently started watching a show called Polygamy USA, which follows a few polygamist families and their lifestyle surrounding the FLDS religion and plural marriage. It is beyond fascinating and I highly recommend it to anyone with even a slight interest in the FLDS church. The people come from a community that left or were kicked out of Warren Jeff's community and went to go seek refuge to practice the FLDS religion before it was corrupted by Warren Jeff.

Needless to say, the Fundamentalists lifestyle is beyond strange to us in this day and age. When I lived in Seattle, I would get asked more frequently then you'd expect how many children I am going to have or how many other wives my husband is going to have. One confused little soul even asked how many husbands I was going to have... Point being that their lifestyle is something that even disgusts some people. One of the woman followed in the show is the first wife to a school teacher who has three wives total and has 18 children. The first wife stays at home to care for 9 children all under the age of 5 while the two other wives and the husband are at work and the other 9 children attend school. I'm sure you could imagine the troubles and stress this would cause on a person but despite all her hardships, this wife said she was incredibly happy. She was happy that she was raising a family so large because she felt that it was her mission in life and her way to thank her Heavenly Father for everything He had done for. She endured so many trials and lived this restrictive lifestyle all because it made her happy.

As you could tell a little bit from the beginning of the post and previous posts, life isn't exactly in the place I want it to be right now. In fact, I've discovered in these past few weeks that I recognize I'm not very happy. Working two jobs in which you realize the intelligence of man is incredibly low is fairly challenging. Changing universities and trying to figure out how to move your whole life to fit a new location is quite complicated. Being in a town where my biggest fear is that I'll run into someone I know (sad but very much true, Lehi and I have a tough relationship) is frustrating. Being constantly alone because all the people you call friends are scattered across the country in various capacities is disheartening. In thinking about my attitude towards this situation, it's come to the point where I don't feel being happy right now is very important because it'll all be ok when school's over, when settling into a career is over, when my hunt for somebody to love forever is over. In other words, only when life gets slightly less complicated will it be acceptable to want happiness.

I'd hate to think I feel happiness is just an occasional event, like going out to a fancy restaurant or spending the day in a theme park. But sometimes I, and hopefully others, see life this way. Just a roller coaster with ups and downs, only in this roller coaster, a time where it's acceptable to be happy is the high and the times where it isn't acceptable is a low.

This is a particularly hard roller coaster to get off of, especially when you're in the low parts watching the other cars on the ride doing corkscrews hundreds of feet in the air just a little further down the track. But it's truly ok to be happy. It's ok to dance in the rain. It's ok to still smile at people even if you can't decide whether to punch them in the face or curl into a ball and die. We're in the pursuit of happiness, meaning that we aren't always 100% happy, but we're trying to obtain it. We can ride the roller coaster happily because we know at some point, we'll climb higher and be doing corkscrews in the sky. And even if there's a steep drop to the bottom again, we can be happy knowing the coaster will do another round and we'll be soaring again soon. Clear the tracks of anything in your life that is causing you unnecessary happiness and ride on.

Please enjoy this video of the Backstreet Boys doing the Harlem Shake <3 Happy Sunday and enjoy the ride on your roller coaster!