Wednesday, December 19, 2012


My revelation of the week was pretty spectacular. It's about a subject people usually assume there's only on answer for: being a quitter. Most people say "Quitters never win and winners never quit" but I realized last night that this isn't the case. I was tossing and turning, having nightmares about running the cash register at work (don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to), when finally I gave up and began to ponder the deepest questions of life like any genius in the middle of the night. I was really angry about something and was ranting to myself in my head, having the same argument I've had for months. It was about a situation where one side of me wanted to keep fighting because I felt I shouldn't give up on it while the other side of me was screaming to give up and keep moving. As I lay in bed with my angry conscience, I suddenly stopped in my thoughts and thought "Wait a minute, I'm mad about this! Like freaking furiously mad! Like I don't even care about it mad!" Why should I ever keep pressing forward with something that brings me so much anger? Why does it matter if I'm a quitter? It's possible to be a quitter for better reasons than being a fighter! As I pondered this, my conscience did a happy dance, then my moment of genius thinking was gone and I fell straight to sleep. Well, it was fun being smart for a little while.

Anyways, I learned that it really is ok to be a quitter sometimes. When I was in middle school, I fought so hard to keep a friendship together that I had had since the beginnings of elementary school, even though I knew deep down that this friendship was destroying who I was. But how could I give up on something? Isn't it bad to give up on someone that you believed in and cared about for so long? Aren't I a horrible person? It turns out it wasn't wrong to quit. I didn't quit on something because I was a heartless human being with no ambition. I quit something because I knew it was holding me back from fighting for other things. In this case, I would have ended up quite a messed up person if I hadn't decided to be a quitter. It's been the same with other things that I've quit in the past: marching band, tennis team, that freaking awful job at the BYU cafeteria, working out (ha). I didn't quit those things because I was lazy or too weak (well, maybe exercising...). I quit those things because they stood in the way of what things I was supposed to be focusing myself on and who I was supposed to become.

So it's ok to be a quitter!! In a way, you aren't really quitting anything, just moving on to the next page in life. Now don't go away from this page, striving to give up on important things, like your family, school, or showering (please freaking NO). Every person has things that they really do need to give up on in their lives and don't be afraid to =)

Missionaries Farewells, Ruining the Lives of Children, and Revelations

I'm finally home!!!!! There truly is no place like home. Even if the thing to greet me home was a trip to the emergency room for Ansel and spending part of the weekend in and out of the hospital, I'm so glad to be with my family again. Ansel's home from the hospital which makes things even more wonderful =) MaybeI should just drop out of school.....

So Sunday was the missionary farewell of one of my friends Nic Jones,who is leaving this morning for the MTC. His talk was outstanding, laced with Star Trek and Psych references (hilarious) but what most stood out to me was the power with which he spoke. He knew without a doubt that what he said was true and that was something that he had found out for himself. I really hope that my sons can be like that one day. To  speak with so much power that an entire audience can feel it and see it on his face. I sincerely desire that it will be about his testimony of Christ but if not, I hope my sons can stand for something they believe in like Nic. If it's Catholicism, Atheism, or if the only thing he believes is that he is an extra-terrestial goat herder on a distant plant trapped on earth, I hope that they stand behind that belief at any cost.

Last night I went to Lehi High Schools' Ballroom Concert (go Lehi!!), which was awesome. Before the concert, I was talking to my friends Kess and Brenner about life when Brenner, a former employee at Wendys, said, "Do you want to know how they make the food at Wendys?" Here's where that conversation went....

Caylin: They probably have a cow pen out in back right?
Brenner: Yep. They just go in the back and hack off a piece whenever they get an order.
Kess: Oh, that's good. I got a chicken sandwich today instead
Caylin: So they chop off a chicken's head instead!
Brenner: Yep, we have a chicken coop as well!

Apparently we weren't alone in our conversation because when we faced the front again, a little girl no more than five was staring at us with the most horrified expression of my life. She looked like she couldn't tell if she should burst into tears or throw up the last Kids Meal she ate. Yes darling, your McDonalds happy meal comes from cows and chickens, not plastic (to some degree). I have a feeling her mother wanted to kill us last night for destroying her daughter's innocence, but hey, it's a crime to not tell her.

I'll post the revelation section later, it's pretty fantastic stuff. Happy Wednesday people!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A Year In Review: The Time I Bawled All Over My Laptop Instead of Studying Accounting

I just looked at my Facebook Year in Review and it literally made me burst into tears. There has never been a year quite like this one and in some ways I'm very glad it's over. This year, I met incredibly important people and I lost incredibly important people too. I had the best day of my life and the absolute worst day of my life. Some days I danced through life, feeling so happy to be alive and other days I wished a bolt of lightning would just destroy me. Some times I was successful beyond imagination, other times I would have given anything for a second chance. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times and finally we're at the end of it.

As I looked back on the events of this year, I realized how truly grateful I was for the divine intervention in my life. As Ammon in the Book of Mormon said "I will not boast of myself but I will boast of my God." It really was that divine intervention that has gotten me through every moment of this year and every year I will ever experience. I'm really grateful that someone is keeping an eye on me right now because freak yes, I need it!

I'm looking forward to starting fresh next year. I don't know where I will be then at all. I don't know if I'll be at BYU after winter semester. I don't know if I'm still going to study accounting. I don't know if I'll be married with octuplets or if I'm going to be a crazy cat lady who lives by herself all her life (definitely leaning toward the crazy cat lady...). However, I'm glad to know that whatever happens, there will always be that divine intervention in place, ready to stop me from going along with my crazy schemes.

Love, peace, and pizza grease!! Oh, and Merry Christmas too =)

Friday, November 30, 2012

What You Can Accomplish in Five Days Without Facebook: A Tale of Employment, Destructive Crafting, Birthday Bashing, and More

It's pretty sad how much I use Facebook. This week has been a constant struggle of me not going online to post whatever witty and snarky comment I had that day or to stalk the cute guy in my ward. Seriously. Just plain sad. BUT it wasn't all that bad! I had a super successful week and accomplished so much it literally blows my mind.

First of all, and most exciting, I got a job at Hobby Lobby this week!! This was such a huge deal for me that I literally burst into tears as soon as I got into my car after the interview. So thankful for the divine intervention that provided me with the job that I so desperately needed. It's so great to know that someone's out there watching and waiting for the perfect opportunity to shower blessings on you =)

I also successfully destroyed our apartment in the creation of my first hollow book! I bought a book about the history of BYU (which, fascinatingly enough, was signed by the famous Mr. Wilkinson himself) and carved it out. All 895 pages of it. And it was seriously the biggest mess I've ever made in my life. I'm still picking paper flecks out of my hair and clothes. In addition, the carpet has a salt and pepper thing going on. Needless to say it made a pretty awesome present for my incredible roommate Catherine. Happy birthday Ms. Legal!! =)

With that, me and my other roommate Hailey completely transformed our small apartment into the ultimate birthday location. Streamers, banners, colorful balloons, you name it. It was pretty heartbreaking when we woke up one morning to find out that our world had fallen down around us. Literally. Balloons littered the ground and streamers were draped all over the furniture. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted. Happy Birthday again!

Lastly, and slightly less excitingly, schoolwork was a big success this week. I got a 95% on my 8 page Anthropology paper, a 96% on my 10 page research paper, conquered my impossible accounting homework, demolished my writing website assignment, among other superhuman feats.

Seriously, it's amazing what you can accomplish in just a few short days without Facebook. However, I look forward to cramming your Facebook news feeds with every witty remark I've had lately. Happy reading!

Sunday, November 25, 2012


Content. It's the end of a tumultuous movie where there has been death and many other tragedies. The main character looks across the horizon at the start of a beautiful new day with his hands in his pockets and the wind blowing his hair across his face. As the character's companion comes onto the screen, they talk of the future, of what they'll set out to do in light of whatever has happened. The main character's face shows neither happiness nor overwhelming sadness, but acceptance. Acceptance that things have happened and that things will continue to happen. Acceptance that there is always a new day and new things to experience in that day. Acceptance does not necessarily mean you are happy with the situation placed before you, but that you will take it for what is and work with it. Being content is this acceptance of life as it is.

Today, I am content

Thanksgiving List Continuation

22. I'm thankful for smiles. I've had to work three BYU sporting events this week and it was pretty rough. It's pretty hard to stand there and take people's crap for four hours straight sometimes. It brightened my day a millionfold to see people that actually smiled at me or thanked me for working that night. Keep smiling folks, you really never know who needs to see you smile =)

23. I'm thankful for excursions with my sweet mom. We went to the new outlet malls in Lehi on Saturday and I had an absolute blast with her. Now that I'm at college, I treasure every precious moment I have with her as well as the rest of my family. Love you Mom!!

24 (I'm not really sure how long this supposed to go so I'll just go to the end of the month). I'm thankful for our bodies. Even though we all have challenges with how our bodies function to some degree, have you recognized lately how incredible our bodies are? They can run, they can jump, they can twist and turn, just the action of me typing this out is a miracle! Always appreciate and respect your bodies, they truly are a blessing.

25. I'm thankful for eternal families. It's been so wonderful being home with my family and seeing extended family this week for Thanksgiving. They bring me so much happiness and it's even more wonderful to think that I will be with them forever. I'm very happy for the opportunity to create my own eternal family in the temple a few years down the road.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Imagine Dragons and Giving Up

I've been super duper obsessed with Imagine Dragons lately. If you haven't listened to them before, DO. IT. NOW. Seriously. It will be love at the first listening <3

Here's the lyrics to one of the songs that's been stuck with me the most from Imagine Dragons. I decided to give up what I can't change and I'm excited to move forward. If someone doesn't follow you when you walk away, keep walking...


I'm sorry, mother... I'm sorry, I let you down
Well, these days I'm fine - No these days I tend to lie
I'll take the West train, just by the side of Amsterdam
Just by my left brain, just by the side of the Tin man

I'm sorry, brother... I'm sorry, I let cha down
Well, these days you're fine - No these days you tend to lie
You'll take the West train, just by the side of Amsterdam
Just by your left brain, just by the side of the Tin man

Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried
But I keep coming up short

I'm sorry, lover... You're sorry; I bring you down
Well, these days I try and these days I tend to lie
Kinda thought I was a mystery and then I thought I wasn't meant to be
You said yourself fantastically, "Congratulations you were all alone"

Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried
Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried

But the rain won't fall for the both of us
The sun won't shine on the both of us
Believe me when I say, that I wouldn't have it any other way

Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It's hard, believe me... I've tried
But I won't wait much longer 'cause these walls they're crashing down
And I won't wait much longer 'cause these walls they're crashing down
And I keep coming up short

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Jumping on the Bandwagon... Thankful List

Not necessarily in order of most importance, just what came to me the first =)

1. I'm thankful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and all the incredible and life changing ways I've been able to use it for.

2. I'm thankful for my wonderful family. I'm so grateful for their unconditional love and all of the outstanding support they give me.

3. I'm thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm grateful for the hope and happiness that it instills in me as well as to those around me.

4. I'm thankful that there's a plan for me, even if I don't like the way it's going right now. I'm grateful there's someone smarter than me that's putting me on a good path even if I don't recognize it.

5. I'm soooo thankful for my fantastic friends, both in Washington and in Utah. I'm so grateful that I can still remain in great contact with them all, I'm grateful for all of my wonderful memories with them all, and I'm thankful for the smiles they bring into my life. =)

6. I'm thankful for Psy. He's pretty much my hero. I hope someday I can dance like him.

7. I'm thankful for the power of music. The power to inspire, the power to alleviate pain, the power to spark happiness, the power to bring back memories, the power to transport to a different world, the power to cause contemplation.

8. I'm thankful that I have a job, even if it involves yelling at people for 4 hours straight. I'm so grateful I've been blessed with that when so many people don't have that opportunity in their lives.

9. I'm thankful for my aunts. I never expected it but one of the best things of moving to Utah has been to get to know my aunts better and create strong friendships with each of them. I'm thankful for their endless support, their loving advice, and their ability to make me smile.

10. I'm thankful that Ansel still runs up to hug me every time I walk in the door. I'm thankful that he stills dances in the kitchen and looks at himself in the reflection of the fireplace cover as he dances.

11. I'm thankful that Alex still wants to play video games with his sister. And I'm thankful he always lets me be Batman when we play Lego Batman.

12. I'm thankful that Zac asks me for fashion advice every once in awhile. It's nice to know that I've still got it to some degree.

13. I'm thankful that my Mom will have deep conversations with me. I'm grateful that when I talk to her, she never places any judgement, she just listens. I'm thankful that she gives me hugs every time she sees me.

14. I'm thankful that my Dad will give me advice when I'm completely lost on what to do. I'm grateful that he's always willing to watch movies with me, even if it's late at night and he's had a long day.

15. I'm soooo thankful for my roommates this year. I'm grateful that Catherine is always willing to rant with me when something in life just plain sucks and I'm glad she plays the Killers a lot. I'm grateful that Hailey shares her delicious food with me and sits there and listens to me try to explain my homework assignments so it makes sense in my own head. I'm so thankful they both watch Pretty Little Liars with me and get just excited to decorate the apartment for Christmas as I am. =) Love you both!!

16. I'm thankful for Netflix. That website is pretty much boss.

17. I'm thankful for the chance that I have to get a fantastic education for an even more fantastic price. Even though I don't really like BYU, I'm still sooooooo grateful for the opportunity I have to study things that interest me and make me happy.

18. I'm thankful for those people that just make you smile, even if for one moment. Like the cute guy that asked me to play on his team for football today. Little things like that make so much of a difference in my days now.

19. I'm thankful that the Lord has given me a way to communicate with him. I'm grateful for the power of prayer in my life and I'm sooo thankful for the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

20. I'm thankful that one of my best friends Sam Gossage is getting baptized next month!! Watching her grow in the church has been one of the most incredible experiences in my life and I squealed, burst into tears, and ran around to tell everyone within earshot the first second I heard the news. I'm so grateful that I get to go see her go through this life-changing experience and I'm so grateful for the wonderful example of faith she is to me. =)

21. I'm thankful for the people that rush to your aid when you least expect it. That's been a particularly huge blessing over the past couple months and I will forever be grateful to those people that have reached out to me. You know who you are and you have my thanks =)

Tune in the next few days for more!!! =)