No, I am not pulling a Signs moment and trying to block out aliens trying to read my mind. Not that they'd find anything interesting in this mere mortal's mind ;) I miss my ombre tips and apparently you can highlight your hair with cinnamon and honey. Somewhere deep down in my heart, I highly doubt this actually works. But on the surface, I'm kinda digging the smell of this concoction on my head and at least my brain will be partly safe tonight. :)
Anyways, onto my post. I got some pretty sad news this week and it's caused me to think things over again. Have you ever thought you were so RIGHT about something but it turned out you couldn't have been more WRONG? Has your mind listened so intently to your imagination and wild dreams that it ignored your common sense and better judgement? Has it ever blown your mind that you could be so ignorant and naive?
The best way I can describe how I feel is with that scene in Inception where Mal and Dom are lying on the train tracks and staring at each other as a train approaches. "You're waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure." So do you board the train? This week it feels like I was riding a train that would take me to where I wanted to go but that I was kicked off the track at a station. I'm on the platform watching this train I knew would take me where I wanted to go travelling farther away from me until it's just a speck in the distance. Meanwhile, trains are arriving and departing in every direction, each with uncertain destinations. What if one of these trains will take a different route to where I want to go? What if I ride this train and I end up back on this platform? What if I end up somewhere farther from where I hope to go?
I guess you could say this is where chance comes in. Mal and Dom allowed themselves to be run over by the train with the small chance of them actually emerging from the dream. Sometimes you have to board the unfamiliar train with the small chance it takes you to where you want to go. Sometimes you have to step off the cliff with the small chance that something catches your fall. Sometimes you have take blinds steps with the small chance that something reaches out to you in the darkness. Sometimes the only thing you can do is hope.
I'm pretty heartbroken and I'm tired of trying to put myself back together week after week. I feel like fixing myself piece by piece is like trying to fix a broken Lego house in the Coberly Lego studio. As you go about recreating the house, you realize that you picked up the wrong pieces from the piles around you and didn't put on the right pieces to make the building the way it was before. I lose little bits of myself in the process of fixing what's broken until what's left is hardly recognizable anymore. I'm Mal lying on the train tracks, hoping with all my heart but doubting with all my mind, that the pain of what I will go through will bring me to where I want to be.
It's time to board a new train, any train, and hope without doubt that I will end up where I want. Who knows, maybe my destination will be even better than what I hoped for. Board a new train this week darlings! You never know where you might end up, but it might be right where you need to be. As Eames says in Inception, "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling!" And go watch Inception again, ya filthy animals! ;)
And to my mysterious fan base in Russia, thanks sweethearts! :D
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