Boats Against the Current

Well week one of my summer is complete! And for a vacation week, it certainly wasn't an easy, relaxing, or fun one. Between juggling my two jobs (including one that I just started this week), wrapping up school, and trying to adjust to life back in this terrible town of Lehi, it hardly feels like a break. Just a transition from one medium of life into the next.

With the upcoming Great Gatsby movie (so freaking excited for it!!!), I was browsing Pinterest for Great Gatsby stuff while I was getting ready in the morning. I found my favorite quote from the book which is actually the last sentence of the entire novel. It says "So we beat on, boats against the current, bourne back ceaselessly into the past." If you've read the book before, you'll know how flawless this last sentence is. It's my favorite ending to any book I've read. For those that haven't read The Great Gatsby (shame on you), this quote explains one of the themes of this novel. That we as humans try to push forward in life but constantly find ourselves pushing instead toward the past.

This thought has consumed my mind for the past week. Being back in Lehi is extremely hard for me. Nearly nine months ago, I left Lehi very happy with where my life was at that point. Over the course of the school year at BYU, most of those happy memories and aspects of life were tarnished. Coming back to Lehi is like walking through a ghost town for me, you can still see buildings and places that you remember from the past. You may even have solid memories of those locations. But your feelings and emotions about those memories are as empty as the buildings themselves. In some ways I feel like I'm being pushed back into the past, that all the progress I've made as an individual is somehow lost in the pain of being "home." It's really hard to tell what home really is anymore. Can you really call the town that makes you miserable home?

I think what I'm starting to learn though is that the past is the driving factor in pushing our boat along the river.  We can choose to let the power of the past push us forward, to propel us to brighter futures and calmer waters or we can choose to let that power try to push us upstream from where we already came, where we already know the waters are rough and difficult to pass through. I love what F. Scott Fitzgerald says because it's true, no matter how hard we try to progress in life, we always find ourselves wandering back upstream. I like to think that I have control over which direction I let the past take me. And in a way, I truly do. But there will always be the little things in the river that might cause me to want to turn back. Maybe there are rougher waters ahead. Maybe the water up head seems more treacherous than the waters I just sailed through. If I've learned one thing over the course of this week, it's that pushing against the current back to the past is never productive and will never make you happy. The past is much better suited to propel you forward than backwards.

I hope I get my boat turned around soon. The river downstream looks pretty ridiculous from where I'm standing and maybe it's true that the waters behind me were calmer in some ways than the waters ahead of me. But I know that somewhere down the river, there will be calmer and more beautiful waters. I like to imagine it like that part in the Little Mermaid when Eric and Ariel are rowing along peaceful waters while fishes and birds are serenading me (this is my river, I can dream what I want!). But I won't get to the singing fish till I brave the waterfalls and currents that lay before me now.

And as I step off my soapbox, please enjoy this hysterical youtube video that demonstrates the many eating habits of the animal kingdom

And this is one of my favorite songs of the week. Take notes, I married Macklemore in my dreams last night!!(that was quite the dream, I'll tell you that).

And before I sign off for the night, I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It's been astounding how many people have told me they read and actually enjoy reading my blog! Thanks for all the kind remarks and  thanks to the readers who casually stop by to read. Evening ladies and gents!