Because of Him, my family is mine forever.
Because of Him, my life is filled with people and opportunities that bring me joy.
Because of Him, I always have a friend that will be there through all my triumphs and all my downfalls.
Because of Him, I have purpose.
Because of Him, my sins no longer weigh my soul down and the Savior as saved me, something I could never do for myself.
Because of Him, my possibilities are endless and I have no limits.
Because of Him, I can do hard things.
Because of Him, I can love and be loved.
Because of Him, my heart is fuller and my countenance is brighter.
Because of Him, I know where I came from, I know where I am at, and I know where I am going.
Because of Him, I am free to make choices and experience consequences.
Because of Him, every day is a new opportunity to be a better me than I was the day before.
Because of Him, I can change people's lives every day.
Because of Him, I am free.
I know that my Redeemer lives. I know He loves me. I know He has bright things in store for me. I know I can do all things in him.
As he died to make men holy, let us live to make men free.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Kiss Me With Your Eyes So Sweetly
What am I doing wrong?
They continue to argue.
No I'm right. You made the mistake. No, you made the mistake. She leaves. He sits.
"You're doing really well Caylin. You understand these things much better than the other assistants."
Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right...
She returns. They argue. She turns to me.
"I can tell you're smart. I'll work with you instead."
I glow. Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right.
"She's a pretty smart girl Lee. I think we're all done finally."
She stands. I stand. I walk to the door.
"You were magnificent today Caylin."
"Yes, you really were. Thanks Caylin."
Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right.
I crave attention. I seek flattery. I desire recognition. I covet acknowledgement. I want adoration.
I'm addicted to praise.
We can all agree that little compliments are nice. They brighten our day, bring a little smile to our face, lighten our eyes a little bit more. But praise is like a drug for me. If I don't have it constantly, I start to break down mentally and emotionally. If my presence isn't acknowledged when I enter a room, I automatically panic and assume that I'm unwelcome or unloved. If I don't get complimented on a new outfit, I probably won't ever wear it again because it means it didn't look good on me. If someone doesn't compliment how I look that day, to me it means I look ugly or something is out of place. If I don't get encouraged while doing a task, I assume that I'm doing things incorrectly and my ability to focus tumbles. If I don't receive praise, I'm doing it wrong.
This is a problem that has been growing as I've grown older and my daily pressures have grown tougher and tougher. I think this problem arrived from the incredibly competitive atmosphere I created for myself since I started school. I always fought to be better than everyone in class, to be involved in more things than everyone else, to achieve more accomplishments than everyone else, to receive more recognition than everyone else. I wanted to be the best student, the best child, the best worker, the best friend, the best person. Sometimes I don't even have a clear opponent or a tangible target I needed to outbeat. I just have to be better than WHOEVER else might be in my way. In high school, I called this perfectionism. But now I realize I only wanted things to be perfect so I could be recognized as a perfect person. My personal worth has always felt like it depended on achievements and victories, not on who I was as a person.
Of course no one wants to admit they're narcissistic. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to restrain and hide this obsession for praise. I try my hardest to reach out to others, to put others' needs before my own. I try to resist begging for praise. But it all comes back to this desire for praise. I want to be recognized for being selfless and humble. How sad it is that the thing I try to do to become less self-absorbed is just another way I feed this crippling obsession.
This addiction to praise puts a huge emotional strain on my relationships with people. If I'm not getting recognized consistently by those I love or look up too, it's devastating and panic-inducing. No consistent praise means something is wrong about me. I try to never lead a person to praise me because if I lead on the compliment, I feel that it's fake and insincere. But if someone ends a conversation without acknowledging me in some fashion, I'm crushed and start mentally analyzing the reasons why I wasn't commended for anything.
Trying to beat this frame of mind is hard. I've been trying to establish enough confidence in myself that I don't need as much praise to function every day. But it's hard to build that personal strength when you rely so heavily on the words of others for your strength. I've been trying to do more meaningful service but that too has been a struggle because I need to be praised in order for me to feel accomplished. I know this restructuring of the mind is going to require personal reflection and affirmation but any other guidance is much appreciated. It's time to start relying on myself for strength instead of the words of others.
Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right.
They continue to argue.
No I'm right. You made the mistake. No, you made the mistake. She leaves. He sits.
"You're doing really well Caylin. You understand these things much better than the other assistants."
Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right...
She returns. They argue. She turns to me.
"I can tell you're smart. I'll work with you instead."
I glow. Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right.
"She's a pretty smart girl Lee. I think we're all done finally."
She stands. I stand. I walk to the door.
"You were magnificent today Caylin."
"Yes, you really were. Thanks Caylin."
Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right.
I crave attention. I seek flattery. I desire recognition. I covet acknowledgement. I want adoration.
I'm addicted to praise.
We can all agree that little compliments are nice. They brighten our day, bring a little smile to our face, lighten our eyes a little bit more. But praise is like a drug for me. If I don't have it constantly, I start to break down mentally and emotionally. If my presence isn't acknowledged when I enter a room, I automatically panic and assume that I'm unwelcome or unloved. If I don't get complimented on a new outfit, I probably won't ever wear it again because it means it didn't look good on me. If someone doesn't compliment how I look that day, to me it means I look ugly or something is out of place. If I don't get encouraged while doing a task, I assume that I'm doing things incorrectly and my ability to focus tumbles. If I don't receive praise, I'm doing it wrong.
This is a problem that has been growing as I've grown older and my daily pressures have grown tougher and tougher. I think this problem arrived from the incredibly competitive atmosphere I created for myself since I started school. I always fought to be better than everyone in class, to be involved in more things than everyone else, to achieve more accomplishments than everyone else, to receive more recognition than everyone else. I wanted to be the best student, the best child, the best worker, the best friend, the best person. Sometimes I don't even have a clear opponent or a tangible target I needed to outbeat. I just have to be better than WHOEVER else might be in my way. In high school, I called this perfectionism. But now I realize I only wanted things to be perfect so I could be recognized as a perfect person. My personal worth has always felt like it depended on achievements and victories, not on who I was as a person.
Of course no one wants to admit they're narcissistic. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to restrain and hide this obsession for praise. I try my hardest to reach out to others, to put others' needs before my own. I try to resist begging for praise. But it all comes back to this desire for praise. I want to be recognized for being selfless and humble. How sad it is that the thing I try to do to become less self-absorbed is just another way I feed this crippling obsession.
This addiction to praise puts a huge emotional strain on my relationships with people. If I'm not getting recognized consistently by those I love or look up too, it's devastating and panic-inducing. No consistent praise means something is wrong about me. I try to never lead a person to praise me because if I lead on the compliment, I feel that it's fake and insincere. But if someone ends a conversation without acknowledging me in some fashion, I'm crushed and start mentally analyzing the reasons why I wasn't commended for anything.
Trying to beat this frame of mind is hard. I've been trying to establish enough confidence in myself that I don't need as much praise to function every day. But it's hard to build that personal strength when you rely so heavily on the words of others for your strength. I've been trying to do more meaningful service but that too has been a struggle because I need to be praised in order for me to feel accomplished. I know this restructuring of the mind is going to require personal reflection and affirmation but any other guidance is much appreciated. It's time to start relying on myself for strength instead of the words of others.
Well if you put it that way, maybe I am doing it right.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Little Wonders
Life is pretty overwhelming right now. My day is either a 12 hour workday or an 8 hour school day and my weekends are usually my day to catch up on my sanity. I tried to write my to do list on my hand the other day and I had to stop early when I realized the list went halfway up my arm. When someone tries to talk to me, I usually have to just nod and smile because my mind is in at least three different places and I can't focus on the conversation. Getting a text or call from someone stresses me out because that's just one more thing I have to give my limited attention to.
During this crazy time in my life, I've found that the best way to get through the long days is to recognize the very small mercies in my day. The little reminders that you are still loved and thought of. The little nudges to tell you you're always being looked after. The little reasons to remember the beauty of life.
Some of my favorites from life right now:
When Smiths has the buy two cereals, get milk free sale.
When you're late for work and all the lights in the busy downtown magically turn green.
When you spend the car ride home frustrated that you know you have nothing to eat at home for dinner and you walk into your apartment to find that your boyfriend waiting with one of your favorite meals on the table.
When the sun comes out every day when you have to walk to school.
When you see how much gas prices has gone up but when you go to fill up, you find out you have a 60 cents/gallon fuel reward.
When you have a terrible hair day yet your boyfriend still tells you that you look beautiful.
When I mess up on a little girl's teddy bear at work and her grandma still tells me I'm amazing at my job and made her grandkids day.
When a pair of $25 shoes you've been coveting after for days goes on sale for three bucks and your size is the last one left.
When my mom texts me a good night text randomly after I've had a particularly frustrating day.
When an Empire of the Sun song comes on the radio.
When customers compliment my outfit and ask me to pick out clothes for them.
When my family comes to visit me at work.
When a rainy day comes around and it stops raining while you're walking outside and it pours when you're inside.
When my teacher who has hundreds of students stops me after class to compliment my work or ask about life.
When my boyfriend calls me during the day just to check on me.
I could seriously go for hours. I'm very blessed despite my challenges. Even my challenges are tremendous blessings that I'm grateful for (usually). If your days feel like they're getting longer and harder, look for that invisible hand in your life that brings sweet little daily reminders that life is truly beautiful.
I'm one lucky girl.
During this crazy time in my life, I've found that the best way to get through the long days is to recognize the very small mercies in my day. The little reminders that you are still loved and thought of. The little nudges to tell you you're always being looked after. The little reasons to remember the beauty of life.
Some of my favorites from life right now:
When Smiths has the buy two cereals, get milk free sale.
When you're late for work and all the lights in the busy downtown magically turn green.
When you spend the car ride home frustrated that you know you have nothing to eat at home for dinner and you walk into your apartment to find that your boyfriend waiting with one of your favorite meals on the table.
When the sun comes out every day when you have to walk to school.
When you see how much gas prices has gone up but when you go to fill up, you find out you have a 60 cents/gallon fuel reward.
When you have a terrible hair day yet your boyfriend still tells you that you look beautiful.
When I mess up on a little girl's teddy bear at work and her grandma still tells me I'm amazing at my job and made her grandkids day.
When a pair of $25 shoes you've been coveting after for days goes on sale for three bucks and your size is the last one left.
When my mom texts me a good night text randomly after I've had a particularly frustrating day.
When an Empire of the Sun song comes on the radio.
When customers compliment my outfit and ask me to pick out clothes for them.
When my family comes to visit me at work.
When a rainy day comes around and it stops raining while you're walking outside and it pours when you're inside.
When my teacher who has hundreds of students stops me after class to compliment my work or ask about life.
When my boyfriend calls me during the day just to check on me.
I could seriously go for hours. I'm very blessed despite my challenges. Even my challenges are tremendous blessings that I'm grateful for (usually). If your days feel like they're getting longer and harder, look for that invisible hand in your life that brings sweet little daily reminders that life is truly beautiful.
I'm one lucky girl.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Fake Empire
I never realized how much I hate social networking sites until this weekend.
It's seriously alarming to me the impressions people have about me simply by what I put on my Facebook. Which is pretty bizarre because I feel like all I've posted lately is a lot of Macklemore pictures and snarky comments about idiot customers. I use to think that it was only a handful of people that even pay attention to my posts. But after going back to the town were I grew up after not talking to some people for years, there were a lot of strange misconceptions people thought, simply by what I posted on my Facebook.
Believe it or not, I don't go out and party a lot.
In fact, I'm pretty much one of the most boring people ever.
Believe it or not, I'm not a heartbreaker on the prowl for more lives to ruin.
In fact, I have a heart that gets broken too.
Believe it or not, I didn't leave BYU because I'm rebellious.
In fact, I left BYU because I feel that it was an emotionally destructive environment for me.
Believe it or not, thinking that Mitt Romney is cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs does not mean you're an Obama lover.
In fact, I think both parties are cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs and voting nowadays is determining which Cocoa Puffs you can tolerate.
Believe it or not, just because I'm not following your fairy tale of a life plan does not mean I'm a screw-up.
In fact, I feel more on track in life than ever before.
Believe it or not, just because I'm not married does not mean I behind in life.
In fact, it probably means I'm a little more sane. And honestly, I'm not 100% sure if I've moved past the stage in my life when I think that boys are gross.
Hello readers, here's my re-introduction. I like rainy nights, Netflix dates, turquoise things, pretty rings, loud music, long socks, happy endings, and starry skies. I'm sweet, sassy, and witty. I work hard and take most things too seriously. Every decision I make requires endless amounts of decision, doubts, and deliberations. If I make a choice, it's only after I know it's perfectly right. I don't enjoy being spontaneous unless it's strictly organized and regulated spontaneity. Music speaks to my soul, whether my soul is aching or full of joy, and I love experiencing this music live. Sometimes I wish my heart was warmer, sometimes I wish I didn't care so much. One of my biggest fears is missing opportunities I could have taken and excelled at.
It's funny how much of our day-to-day lives we invest in being on social networking outlets, yet how little of our real lives we put on them. Perhaps this is a good thing, as most of my Facebook wall would consist of countless links to Britney Spears music or endless pictures of my bottomless Kool-Aid glass next to my bottomless pile of homework. I wish this wasn't such an issue but I'm definitely going to be more selective of what I post and who I share things with. However, I can assure you that my snarkiness and charm will never die. Deepest apologies.
It's seriously alarming to me the impressions people have about me simply by what I put on my Facebook. Which is pretty bizarre because I feel like all I've posted lately is a lot of Macklemore pictures and snarky comments about idiot customers. I use to think that it was only a handful of people that even pay attention to my posts. But after going back to the town were I grew up after not talking to some people for years, there were a lot of strange misconceptions people thought, simply by what I posted on my Facebook.
Believe it or not, I don't go out and party a lot.
In fact, I'm pretty much one of the most boring people ever.
Believe it or not, I'm not a heartbreaker on the prowl for more lives to ruin.
In fact, I have a heart that gets broken too.
Believe it or not, I didn't leave BYU because I'm rebellious.
In fact, I left BYU because I feel that it was an emotionally destructive environment for me.
Believe it or not, thinking that Mitt Romney is cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs does not mean you're an Obama lover.
In fact, I think both parties are cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs and voting nowadays is determining which Cocoa Puffs you can tolerate.
Believe it or not, just because I'm not following your fairy tale of a life plan does not mean I'm a screw-up.
In fact, I feel more on track in life than ever before.
Believe it or not, just because I'm not married does not mean I behind in life.
In fact, it probably means I'm a little more sane. And honestly, I'm not 100% sure if I've moved past the stage in my life when I think that boys are gross.
Hello readers, here's my re-introduction. I like rainy nights, Netflix dates, turquoise things, pretty rings, loud music, long socks, happy endings, and starry skies. I'm sweet, sassy, and witty. I work hard and take most things too seriously. Every decision I make requires endless amounts of decision, doubts, and deliberations. If I make a choice, it's only after I know it's perfectly right. I don't enjoy being spontaneous unless it's strictly organized and regulated spontaneity. Music speaks to my soul, whether my soul is aching or full of joy, and I love experiencing this music live. Sometimes I wish my heart was warmer, sometimes I wish I didn't care so much. One of my biggest fears is missing opportunities I could have taken and excelled at.
It's funny how much of our day-to-day lives we invest in being on social networking outlets, yet how little of our real lives we put on them. Perhaps this is a good thing, as most of my Facebook wall would consist of countless links to Britney Spears music or endless pictures of my bottomless Kool-Aid glass next to my bottomless pile of homework. I wish this wasn't such an issue but I'm definitely going to be more selective of what I post and who I share things with. However, I can assure you that my snarkiness and charm will never die. Deepest apologies.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Born This Way
I'm sorry the world thinks we're not good enough.
I've felt pretty under attack these past few weeks. I'm feeling the vulnerability of standing under a bright spotlight waiting for the judgment of the audience. The powerlessness of allowing society to determine your worth. The heartbreak when you discover you'll never be good enough. The pain in knowing someone will always be better than you despite your efforts toward perfection.
I watched Casino Royale (Bond film) a while back and I felt awful after watching it. It wasn't the violence, it wasn't the torture scenes, I realized I felt awful about myself. Bond films are a great example of this feeling of vulnerability. All the women in Bond films are good for is sex, bring a pretty face, and being the useless damsel in distress. And that's all the world will ever see women for. We talk progression and new opportunities but the attitude hasn't changed. I hear it in every catcall, I see it in looks on men's faces in the darkness of loud parties, I observe it in conversations between other guys. Women are simply objects.
My lovelies, I'm sorry the world doesn't think you're worth it. I'm sorry you have to feel the vulnerability and hopelessness that comes with letting society decide your place. I'm sorry that you are the recipient of the pain that comes with living in a filthy world that is founded on impossible standards for perfection. I'm sorry that the world says you're not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, kind enough, or whatever wild accusation the world is throwing at you.
You are good enough. You are pretty enough. You are smart enough. You are PERFECT. You are exactly the way you're supposed to be and that should be good enough for anyone. You are worth it, you will always be worth it, and there is always someone who loves you. And even if you don't think so, I freaking love you, you sexy beast of a reader. ;)
If you're reading this, send a message or call someone who you think might need encouragement. Run to the next room and give your housemate a hug. Smile at a person who looks unhappy. You never know the battle destroying a person inside. If you're the one who's feeling this sadness, talk to someone who makes you happy. Cuz dang straight you have friends who love you. Go spoil yourself a little, even if it just means going to get a chocolate bar. Cuz darn freaking right you're worth it. Blast Britney Spears or Kesha or Journey to get empowered. Keep on dancing til the world ends, wake up feeling like P. Diddy, don't stop believing, and repeat. Cuz heck yes you look hot dancing like a maniac.
Above all, remember that you're never alone in the struggle. You have a fighting friend on the other side of this blog post who is hoping someone else can understand the battle. Everyone you talk to, even in passing, is fighting, even if it's a different level then you're at or against different enemies. Fight your battle in numbers, be supportive and never try to bring others down. You are stronger than the world and its inability to see your beauty and potential. You are absolutely wonderful.
If you have other helpful tidbits, please share. I know people out there are tougher fighters than I am! And honestly, I want some advice for myself.
I've felt pretty under attack these past few weeks. I'm feeling the vulnerability of standing under a bright spotlight waiting for the judgment of the audience. The powerlessness of allowing society to determine your worth. The heartbreak when you discover you'll never be good enough. The pain in knowing someone will always be better than you despite your efforts toward perfection.
I watched Casino Royale (Bond film) a while back and I felt awful after watching it. It wasn't the violence, it wasn't the torture scenes, I realized I felt awful about myself. Bond films are a great example of this feeling of vulnerability. All the women in Bond films are good for is sex, bring a pretty face, and being the useless damsel in distress. And that's all the world will ever see women for. We talk progression and new opportunities but the attitude hasn't changed. I hear it in every catcall, I see it in looks on men's faces in the darkness of loud parties, I observe it in conversations between other guys. Women are simply objects.
My lovelies, I'm sorry the world doesn't think you're worth it. I'm sorry you have to feel the vulnerability and hopelessness that comes with letting society decide your place. I'm sorry that you are the recipient of the pain that comes with living in a filthy world that is founded on impossible standards for perfection. I'm sorry that the world says you're not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, kind enough, or whatever wild accusation the world is throwing at you.
You are good enough. You are pretty enough. You are smart enough. You are PERFECT. You are exactly the way you're supposed to be and that should be good enough for anyone. You are worth it, you will always be worth it, and there is always someone who loves you. And even if you don't think so, I freaking love you, you sexy beast of a reader. ;)
If you're reading this, send a message or call someone who you think might need encouragement. Run to the next room and give your housemate a hug. Smile at a person who looks unhappy. You never know the battle destroying a person inside. If you're the one who's feeling this sadness, talk to someone who makes you happy. Cuz dang straight you have friends who love you. Go spoil yourself a little, even if it just means going to get a chocolate bar. Cuz darn freaking right you're worth it. Blast Britney Spears or Kesha or Journey to get empowered. Keep on dancing til the world ends, wake up feeling like P. Diddy, don't stop believing, and repeat. Cuz heck yes you look hot dancing like a maniac.
Above all, remember that you're never alone in the struggle. You have a fighting friend on the other side of this blog post who is hoping someone else can understand the battle. Everyone you talk to, even in passing, is fighting, even if it's a different level then you're at or against different enemies. Fight your battle in numbers, be supportive and never try to bring others down. You are stronger than the world and its inability to see your beauty and potential. You are absolutely wonderful.
If you have other helpful tidbits, please share. I know people out there are tougher fighters than I am! And honestly, I want some advice for myself.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Happy
I just want to let you know I'm happy.
Singing in the shower happy. Dancing in the middle of the night happy. Smiling at all hours happy. Leaving all stress behind happy. Being reckless and free happy. Enjoying the little moments instead of the big picture happy.
I feel electric.
Most of my life, I've thought of happiness as something you need to work to achieve. That once you cross the finish line, you're entitled to this happiness because you earned it. That you had to go through dark times before you were allowed to feel happy. That happiness is something you have to stay worthy of feeling and if you hadn't worked through hardships first, you weren't permitted to feel joy.
Many people compare life to a roller coaster, a track made up of continuous rises and falls, high points and low points. That you have to get past one stage to reach the other. That life is a cycle of times of pure happiness and times of pure despair and that only by waiting for the low point to pass could the roller coaster of life start to climb again.
Happiness is not a prize to be won. It's not a reward received after accomplishing some tremendous feat. It's not a gold star you put next to your name on a chart. It's not a plaque you can hang on your wall or a medal you can wear around your neck to show off your strength.
Happiness is an attitude.
Happiness is a choice to be made despite opposition. It is the determination to find and embrace the beauty in an ugly time. It is the desire to be the master of your own adventure, the narrator of your own story, and the hero of your own battle. It is how you will choose to see your challenges, like an opportunity waiting to be seized and learned from or a pitfall to be avoided or merely endured through.
Happiness begins and ends with your choice to stroll through life optimistically or to slump through life waiting for it to pass. Some days you just won't be able bring yourself above the clouds. But always keep your window to the world clean and your heart untainted. Remember that your happiness is a choice that only you can make.
Here comes bad news talking this and that, give me all you got and don't hold back. But I should probably warn you I'll be just fine. No offense to you, don't waste your time.
Because I'm happy.
Singing in the shower happy. Dancing in the middle of the night happy. Smiling at all hours happy. Leaving all stress behind happy. Being reckless and free happy. Enjoying the little moments instead of the big picture happy.
I feel electric.
Most of my life, I've thought of happiness as something you need to work to achieve. That once you cross the finish line, you're entitled to this happiness because you earned it. That you had to go through dark times before you were allowed to feel happy. That happiness is something you have to stay worthy of feeling and if you hadn't worked through hardships first, you weren't permitted to feel joy.
Many people compare life to a roller coaster, a track made up of continuous rises and falls, high points and low points. That you have to get past one stage to reach the other. That life is a cycle of times of pure happiness and times of pure despair and that only by waiting for the low point to pass could the roller coaster of life start to climb again.
Happiness is not a prize to be won. It's not a reward received after accomplishing some tremendous feat. It's not a gold star you put next to your name on a chart. It's not a plaque you can hang on your wall or a medal you can wear around your neck to show off your strength.
Happiness is an attitude.
Happiness is a choice to be made despite opposition. It is the determination to find and embrace the beauty in an ugly time. It is the desire to be the master of your own adventure, the narrator of your own story, and the hero of your own battle. It is how you will choose to see your challenges, like an opportunity waiting to be seized and learned from or a pitfall to be avoided or merely endured through.
Happiness begins and ends with your choice to stroll through life optimistically or to slump through life waiting for it to pass. Some days you just won't be able bring yourself above the clouds. But always keep your window to the world clean and your heart untainted. Remember that your happiness is a choice that only you can make.
Here comes bad news talking this and that, give me all you got and don't hold back. But I should probably warn you I'll be just fine. No offense to you, don't waste your time.
Because I'm happy.
Friday, January 10, 2014
With or Without You
You send songs racing through my head so why don't I describe us through songs?
You're something beautiful, a contradiction
I wanna play the game, I want the friction
You're something beautiful, a contradiction
I wanna play the game, I want the friction
Do you think I'm special? Do you think I'm nice? Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces? Boy, you're so dope, your love is deadly.
I’m nothing without you.
I’ll smile when you speak, remember all those times I was hoping for something
And shaking my head from all I have done, but you never left me.
You make me glow, you make me shine, but we always fight right on time. I’m building bridges that I know you never wanted and now on every single road that I could take.
I’ll smile when you speak, remember all those times I was hoping for something
And shaking my head from all I have done, but you never left me.
You make me glow, you make me shine, but we always fight right on time. I’m building bridges that I know you never wanted and now on every single road that I could take.
I want you to burn my bridges down.
I walk in circles but I'll never figure out what I mean to you? Do I belong?
I try to fight this but I know I'm not that strong. I've been away been running to save my head, the warrant's out and I'm almost dead.
I won't say what I've already said.
But I feel so helpless here... watch, my eyes are filled with fear. Being me can only mean feeling scared to breathe. If you leave me then I’ll be afraid of everything.
Tell me do you feel the same?
Hold me in your arms again.
My therapist told me that opposites attract, I wish that she was here when opposites attack. You love me then you hate, what's it going to be? I don't want to miss the magic that is you and me.
I walk in circles but I'll never figure out what I mean to you? Do I belong?
I try to fight this but I know I'm not that strong. I've been away been running to save my head, the warrant's out and I'm almost dead.
I won't say what I've already said.
But I feel so helpless here... watch, my eyes are filled with fear. Being me can only mean feeling scared to breathe. If you leave me then I’ll be afraid of everything.
Tell me do you feel the same?
Hold me in your arms again.
My therapist told me that opposites attract, I wish that she was here when opposites attack. You love me then you hate, what's it going to be? I don't want to miss the magic that is you and me.
When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place.
But when I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might end up being me
And there's no remedy for memory your face. Like a melody, it won't lift my head. No one compares to you and I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side.
Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad? My mind keeps saying run as fast as you can.
I just don't know what to do, I'm too afraid to love you. All those sleepless nights and all those wasted days
I wish loneliness would leave me, but I think it's here to stay.
Why does it feel so good but hurt so bad? My mind keeps saying run as fast as you can.
I just don't know what to do, I'm too afraid to love you. All those sleepless nights and all those wasted days
I wish loneliness would leave me, but I think it's here to stay.
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